Dancing Away with my Heart
by goose3222
Summary: On the wedding day of his best friend, Charles wonders about what might have been. . .maybe what should have been? A companion piece to Me and Charlie Talking. o/s song fic


A/N: As promised one of the other one-shots in the Me and Charlie Talking universe. Thank you to all of you who read and reviewed Me and Charlie Talking- this is for you! And I apologise for the delay, my classes started back up and time got away from me. Recommended listening "Dancing Away with My Heart" by Lady Antebellum. With much thanks to my lovely beta, who like me, does not have as much time as she would like for fanfiction in her life. I hope you all enjoy!

Charlie had come "home" on a Wednesday. True, he hadn't needed to be there until Saturday, but there was something about the town; he had needed to see it again, to drive down the streets, to go past the water tower they'd painted as a senior class prank. Ten years later, he had just needed to be home; to be a kid again, before he needed to be an adult, before he had to face his mistakes. It was odd, being here for Will's wedding; Will was from Pittsburgh, not this small town. But, this was Liz's (and Jane's!) hometown, too. And now, finally, after everything, Will was finally going to marry Liz. Charlie chuckled to himself remembering the night in the bar after Will had defended his dissertation. Liz really had let him have it that night. But somehow, they were able to do what he wasn't, they worked it out. Charlie had always thought that he would have been one of Will's groomsmen, but now, given everything, he understood why he wasn't. It would have been awkward or him to be that involved in the wedding of Jane's sister- at least he had been invited to the wedding. It was funny, he reflected, years ago he would have been invited to Lizzie's wedding as a guest of the bride, if not a relative, not a reluctantly tolerated guest of the groom. Yet here he was, sitting on a hotel room bed his with nowhere else to go, his childhood home had been long since sold, half-dressed in his suit, getting ready for the wedding of Jane's little sister. Charlie wondered what it would be like to see her again; he hadn't seen her in ages and, sometimes, he found himself wondering how she was, how it could have been if things were different.

He still remembered the last time he saw her, the summer after his freshman year of college. They had been together their whole lives, and they had had a last summer to remember, even if neither of them knew it was the last. They went out bowling, watched little Lizzie (not so little now!) catch fireflies and put them in jars, and went dancing. Charlie sighed as he remembered their last night together, dancing with he head on his shoulder. He could still feel her hesitancy as she leaned into kiss him. She had been shy, always leery of showing how she felt in public. But he had known, he still knew, could still feel the kiss, could still smell her hair, and could still taste her cherry lip gloss. He had brushed her curls off her forehead, he had wanted to see her eyes as they promised each other everything. In his mind, sometimes, she was still that 18 year old girl he danced with under the moonlight reflected off the disco ball. Sometimes he wondered end if she ever missed him, if she ever wished that things had been different.

He'd gone back to Carnegie Mellon after that night. Charlie thought he would be back, that he and Jane would last. But then his parents sold their house and moved. A small town in the Upper Peninsula wasn't enough- it was too far away from their son, and after all they were Bingleys. They were better than that "podunk town in the middle of nowhere" to quote his younger sister. Carolyn had always been dramatic, Charlie recalled, even being willing to move in the middle of high school just to get her way. She more than anyone else in the family was convinced that their name and money meant something and that there was nothing in this town they "wouldn't be better off leaving behind." Charlie had disagreed with Carolyn, but it wasn't his decision, besides he had friends in town and he could always visit. He'd wanted to go see Jane at Christmas, but his parents had insisted he come visit them and their new home. So he went, and was miserable, and talked to Jane on the phone for most of his break. They continued to talk and write, planning what they would do over the coming summer, knowing that what they had was real, that they would last. But then came the end; then came Will and the internship.

If he were being honest, Charlie knew it wasn't fair to blame Will for what happened. Will had just given him advice, advice he had chosen to accept, and really, Will was right. Charlie had gotten the internship and then because of it, into graduate school at Pitt. He'd needed the experience and the recommendations, it had been more important than going home to see a girl. Jane should have understood, should have been willing to wait. Instead, they'd both said so many things they didn't mean. The frustrations of being young and apart taking their toll. Jane had said that she'd needed time to understand why he wasn't coming back that summer and that she'd call him back in a few days. But he had been hurt and mad, and had refused to answer her calls. She was supposed to love him and want what was best for him, just like Will had said! How could she not have understood immediately? Or course, now, ten years later, he saw everything a little more clearly. Jane hadn't really refused to support him. She was just upset and wanted time so they wouldn't fight; time he had been unwilling to give her. Finally, the last email had come in, Jane was done; she ended everything, saying if he didn't have the time for her, she wouldn't bother him anymore. He'd tried to call and apologise, but the damage had been done and she wasn't willing to listen anymore.

Charlie glanced at the time, startled at how long he had been sitting there, lost in his memories. He had half an hour to finish getting ready and to get to the church. He quickly pulled on his undershirt and went into the bathroom to fix his hair, brush his teeth, and shave. (Jane had always hated when he hadn't shaved- she said it was too scratchy.), Then, he went back into the bedroom to put on his shirt, tie, and jacket. A last glance in the full length mirror showed that he was ready to go, and he headed out the door to walk down the street to the church.

Charlie walked into St. George's and the scent of incense almost overwhelmed his memory. He remembered coming here with Jane and her family; he used to think he'd get married here, that he'd stand in front of the altar (what had Jane called it? It started with an i. . ) with Jane and they'd take their vows together. Instead, he told the usher he was a guest of the groom and was guided to a seat on the right side of the church. He took his seat and watched as Will, his cousin Rick, and the rest of the groomsmen took their places at the front of the church. The processional played, and the bridesmaids made their way down the aisle. There she was!As the maid of honour she came in last and Charlie felt his breath catch in his throat as he saw her for the first time. The music changed, a song part of Charlie's brain recognized as Pachelbel's Canon in D, and the crowd around him rose to watch the bride come down the aisle. But even as Charlie stood, he could not tear his eyes away from Jane. She looked just like she did when she was 18, that last night when she had danced away with his heart. She was beautiful, although he reflected ruefully, she would always be beautiful to him. The rest of the wedding passed in a blur- he watched in a haze of memory as Will and Lizzie said their vows, were crowned, and took their first walk together. He couldn't help but think of Jane and all the promises they had made. Eventually the recessional played and Charlie sighed with relief as Will and Lizzie made their way out of the church. They see followed by the smiling and laughing bridal party. As he watched, Charlie felt the bile rise in his throat as Jane was escorted out by Rick. That should have been us, he thought as the jealousy almost overwhelmed him, I've been such an idiot, and now it's too late. Quickly, he stood and exited the church. The reception was in the church and Charlie had never been so thankful that there was not a reception line. What could he possibly say to Jane or her family after all this time? How could he possibly make up for all of his mistakes, for everything he had done?

Charlie quickly made his way to the social hall, and found his table. He couldn't help but smile when he saw his table mates- old friends from college and their wives. He was the seventh wheel at the table. Liz had definitely had a hand in this, even as a child she had excelled at holding grudges and even now, when they were cordial acquaintances, she still couldn't forgive him for what had happened with Jane. Although, as he thought about it, Charlie couldn't blame her. He still wasn't quite sure he could forgive himself. Still, the dinner was lovely and he had fun catching up with his old friends. Even as he chatted with his old lab partners, his eyes would continually find Jane in the room, memories of their past swirling up despite his best efforts. He owed her an apology, if nothing else. Would she listen to him now? Or would she still refuse to talk to him? Was it fair of him to bother her after all this time, especially since she looked so happy with Rick? He wanted to ask Will's advice, he wasn't sure what to do, but tonight, of all nights, was not the night to bother him. Charlie would have to do this on his own. The sudden quiet drew him out of his thoughts, he looked around and noticed that Rick was giving a toast to Liz and Will. It was the usual sort of toast, full of jokes about growing up together and their time in college, including the fateful day Liz had met Will, walking into his lab as an undergrad researcher. Will really had out his foot in it that time. As Rick finished, Charlie raised his glass with everyone else, then sat up straighter as Jane rose to speak. She spoke of growing up with Lizzie, and the fun they had as children with all of their friends. He couldn't help but recognise himself in some of the stories, even though he was never named. How could he have screwed everything up so badly? He had loved Jane, but never found the words to tell her. Then, she reached under the table and brought out a mason jar full of fireflies and handed them to Liz.. She encouraged her and Will to let their love shine like the fireflies, to show it off to everyone they met, because they never knew when they might lose it. Charlie sat back, frozen in shock. He was unable to lift his glass to complete the toast,drawing the evil eye from some of the people around him who noticed. Then it hit him, Jane was talking about them, too. She was speaking from experience and he remembered the song they used to listen to that talked about treating you love like fireflies. And he revered how they'd laughed and said that it would never be them. Suddenly he knew what he needed to do, knew what he needed to say.

The reception proceeded as he expected, the cake was cut, the various dances were held, and the bouquet and garter were tossed. The dance floor had been opened and the DJ was taking requests. Charlie was waiting for the right moment, waiting for the song he had requested. Suddenly, he heard the intro and knew it was time. Swallowing his fears and his nervousness, he went over to Jane and tapped her on the shoulder.

"May I have this dance?" he asked, holding out his hand. He watched as the emotions flashed across Jane's face- surprise, hesitancy, resignation, and, finally, with a nod of her head, acceptance. The song played as other couples swayed around them, but Charlie didn't know how to start, what to say. He started to open his mouth when he heard Jane say, "I haven't seen you in ages. I'm glad you could make it. So is Lizzie, even if she won't show it. How have you been?"

At that, Charlie couldn't help but smile. "I'm alright, working in Chicago. It's good to see you, too. And I know. Liz, Lizzie, has always been loyal to a fault." Jane smiled, and started to say something else, when he spoke again. "Jane, I need. . .Jane, I owe you an apology. I was such an idiot all those years ago and-"

"Oh, Charlie," she sighed, cutting him off. "That was so long ago, I've almost. . .I'd forgotten all about it."

"No, Jane, let me say this." Charlie couldn't help but feel a small surge of hope at her slip. "I never knew exactly what to say to you. Instead, I let my own fears and insecurities get the best of me, and you, you deserved better."

"Charlie, I appreciate this, but, but, this isn't the right time. . ."

"I'm sorry, I'm sure you're happy with Rick, I shouldn't have imposed myself on you." Charlie was suddenly ashamed and dejected. She had found Rick and moved on with him. He was too late and he had only himself to blame.

"No, that's not it, I mean there isn't anyone. . ." Charlie couldn't help but smile as Jane blushed and admitted there wasn't anyone else, that she wasn't with Rick. That maybe he wasn't too late. "I meant, I was trying to say that this is my sister's wedding, I don't want to do this here. It's not fair to her for us to do this now. Can we talk tomorrow, maybe go walking in the woods behind my house?"

"Sure. Of course, down by the train tracks. Does 11:00 work?" Jane nodded, and Charlie pulled her a little closer. They'd talk tomorrow, but for now, she was still 18 and dancing away with his heart.


End file.
